Report #26 2012, November 6th
A Day.
Spent a whole day, yesterday, just starring, starring into nothingness, just sitting in my Van, analyzing my situation, my life, trying to form a plan, but most of all, thinking about these dreams I have been having, not nightmares, they are dreams, dreams of a good life.
What happens in those dreams are mostly images, of me always in company of some woman, with two kids, yeah, my family. Yet I don't know them, I never seen them in my life and they keep showing up in my dreams, is it my future? No, it can't be, no second chances are given.
It could be showing me what I could have, if I didn't make certain choices.
It definitely can not be something I want, because I don't want that.
This whole dream process was activated from that encounter with that woman, before that encounter I didn't have dreams, or nightmares, I didn't have anything, I just slept.
It might mean that she is somewhere close, trying to catch me off guard.
However, every night I find the urge to end the dream, that is to remember all the pain IT has caused to so many, remember all the victims, remember all the people I killed, I instantly wake up, breaking the dream up, I wake up not out of guilt, no, I wake up, just because I know, if I don't, I might die, it all works on instincts and nothing else.
Had to bring my thoughts back together in this post, I've been getting out of shape, time to wake up.
Report #26 Ended.
A Day.
Spent a whole day, yesterday, just starring, starring into nothingness, just sitting in my Van, analyzing my situation, my life, trying to form a plan, but most of all, thinking about these dreams I have been having, not nightmares, they are dreams, dreams of a good life.
What happens in those dreams are mostly images, of me always in company of some woman, with two kids, yeah, my family. Yet I don't know them, I never seen them in my life and they keep showing up in my dreams, is it my future? No, it can't be, no second chances are given.
It could be showing me what I could have, if I didn't make certain choices.
It definitely can not be something I want, because I don't want that.
This whole dream process was activated from that encounter with that woman, before that encounter I didn't have dreams, or nightmares, I didn't have anything, I just slept.
It might mean that she is somewhere close, trying to catch me off guard.
However, every night I find the urge to end the dream, that is to remember all the pain IT has caused to so many, remember all the victims, remember all the people I killed, I instantly wake up, breaking the dream up, I wake up not out of guilt, no, I wake up, just because I know, if I don't, I might die, it all works on instincts and nothing else.
Had to bring my thoughts back together in this post, I've been getting out of shape, time to wake up.
Report #26 Ended.
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