Friday, December 7, 2012

Report #40 2012, December 7th
A Bond

All soldiers, all of them, in a sense are soldiers, like me, I am able to understand them, talk to them about things other than about IT, that's bad, but it feels good.

I have been walking around their base for two days now, each day trying to find a way out, a route to escape and most of the time, I would end up talking to them, about them, about me, how we ended up here, what we had before, where we were before, who we were before, talking to them about life, something I never talked about in ten years now, it felt good, but it was wrong, so very wrong.

I'm falling apart, I actually started wondering if I want to leave this place at all, we have a common target, all of us here understand each other better than any runner understands their fellow runner, same goes for a proxy. This is wrong, I can feel it, but maybe I was destined to die in the wrong? I was in the wrong for ten years now, maybe what is wrong for me, is the correct thing in life? A life where getting emotional is normal, is not a weakness, not a liability, I don't know what I want anymore.

Why does this blog exist? Was it really for "recording" purposes? Or was it just because I wanted to talk to people, because this was the only way I could do that? I don't even know myself anymore, loosing it, have to get myself together.

So far I'm pondering if I should stay here, tomorrow I will start going on missions, I'll give it a week, then I will decide if I want to stay with these people, see if I was wrong all these ten years.

I hope not, other wise I wasted ten years on nothing.

Report #40 Ended.

1 comment:

  1. Everyone is a soldier in a sense.
    They fight for what they must.
    Whether they are occupy,
    or they are in your position.

    Look after yourself.