Monday, June 30, 2014

Anastasija Volkova.

Report #110 2014, June 30th.

Before Dimir Volkov could rule this city, he had to make every major crime family bow down and it was no picnic. Dimir had to huff and puff like crazy, to earn his spot as the Oracle and "The Owner" of Moscow, he had to do a lot of killing, tricking, stealing, etc. But one dreadful day, one of the crime families visited his home, visited his family, his wife, his son and daughter. His wife and son were cuffed to the bed, while his daughter was held by one of the thugs, he put a knife to her throat, Dimir had a gun hidden behind his jacket, it was a stand still, they told Dimir to step down, walk away from trying to assume the role of the Owner, they told him to lose all the power, told him to disappear along with his family. Then Dimir shot one of the thugs that was closest to his wife and Son, the thug that was holding his daughter slit her throat open, he shot the second thug, his daughter was bleeding out, he shot the third thug. Her name was Anastasija, she was only 16 years old, do you remember her Dimir? Do you remember how she dies? Quickly, or slowly? Remember how you sacrificed her to gain the power you have now? When you gave up everything, for nothing.

Then your wife divorced you, took your son, but of course you want to pretend like you're a good father, you still pay them, you visit them as much as you can, however those visits don't go so well, remember when I was standing outside of their home, when your goon Mennonite attacked me? I saw both of you through the window, you weren't talking, you were arguing, remembering that detail made me look up everything about you.

Now I have her, I have your daughter, I dug her up. I was half way home with her casket, when it hit me, when I threw up on the ground, it's the smell that gets me, I've smelled rotting bodies more times than I can remember, it's not that, it wasn't her smell, it's mine.

I'm used to apologizing to dead children, I've been doing it for years. I tell my own child for getting her killed, sorry for walking her into an ambush, sorry for failing her in every conceivable way, sorry for the way I've chosen to honor her memory, but most of all, I'm sorry she was ever born in the first place.

Not every man deserves a legacy, not every man deserves to be a father.

Went to work tonight, taking down a small proxy base full of weaponry, they used to run, they used to hear me coming and run like hell, they used to, but not anymore.

Was having a shootout in a four story building, in the corridor, there was five of them left, shot down two of them in the gut, three others kept firing, had to take cover behind a wall, pierced my arm, luckily didn't hit the bone. It was easier when they ran. Now they stand and fight, they lie in wait, they give chase, they hunt me as much as I hunt them. And every time I bleed, they believe a little more that they can win.

Took the bandages from my side bag, bandaged the wound to avoid infection, I hear what they say, they say Kelevra took something out of me, prison kicked my ass. They say I'm not the man I used to be, they're right.

I heard dogs barking, 3 Ovcharka's, they let them go to munch me up, shot one of the dogs in the head, the other two tackled me down, I was holding off one of them by it's neck, the other one bit into my wrist, was able to choke the dog I was holding off by the neck, took the last one by it's head, swung it around, it hit one of the proxies, they didn't expect that, shot the dog, along with the proxies.

I'm full of weapons now.

It's times like this, I remember a man I once met on duty. He was assaulting Russian Army bases in the jungle, he'd killed 38 Soviet soldiers, ambushing patrols, he'd hit and run, disappear like a ghost. Me and 8 men were assigned to assist the soldiers, all 8 of my men died by his hands, I'd been shot twice and peppered with shrapnel, infection was setting in, I was barely conscious when I managed to drop a grenade into his cover. He still nearly killed me, without his legs, he came tumbling out of the cover on top of me, I stabbed him through the right eye with the knife, he was still fighting, chocking me, I tried to do the same, I was ripping his throat apart with my own hands, he tried to drown me in his blood, so hot it burned my face. Eventually, his head lolled to one side, held on by nothing but rage and flaps of skin, yet he still crawled after me, reaching for me, breathing through all his bubbling, gaping wounds. I had to beat his head into paste before he finally stopped twitching, I staggered out of that jungle feeling like I'd won. Now that I look back on it, I realize what a fool I'd been.

I think about that man every time I bleed, each time my bones ache, or my body begs to let it lie down and die, or I start to run low on rage, used to be a man like that would've ruled the world, on his back whole empire's would've been raised, or conquered. Not cowards like you Dimir, who only send their goons to do their dirty work.

I don't pray, but if I did, I'd pray to that man, every goddamn day.

Report Ended.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

All alone.

Report #109 2014, June 28th.

New base of operations and I'm on my own, again.

Few nights ago, I left while Sanna was sleeping, I helped her as much as I could with her stalker problem, I'm sure she'll post about it in her own free time.

Someone told me once, that all of my murders would catch up with me, that they would haunt me for the rest of my life. Well it never did and it never will, there is only one thing that keeps haunting me every single day and night and that's the day when my family died. The thing that haunts me now, isn't the moment they died, the moment my daughter's and wife's skulls got caved in by an Axe, no, it's the moment right before that, when I had everything and I threw it all away.

There was a time when I wished I'd died with them that day, but I know the reason I survived, it wasn't so I could seek revenge in their name, so I could wage my little war. It was so I could suffer, dying beside my family would've been too easy a death for me.

What I deserved was pain, years of it, I deserved to be cast down among the lowest of the low. Surrounded by nothing, but horror and death, no rest, no joy, I deserved a lifetime of suffering. And even now, after so many years, when I dare stop and wonder, has it finally been enough?

The answer comes from somewhere deep inside: No, it will never be enough.

During the day I sleep, or at least pretend to. At night, I go to work.

They say Dimir has his hand in everything now, so that's what I go after. Everything. From the teenage gang bangers, to the withered old mobsters, a couple of dirty cops and finally several proxy bases. I assault the whole Goddamn city and I leave no questions why.

I can't get to Dimir if he stays locked away in his tower. He's Dimir after all, he has an entire army, the whole Goddamn city. I'm just one old man, without an arsenal. I must make him come to me, no matter what it takes, no matter what.

I'll remind him that he is only human, just like I was reminded of that a few weeks ago.

Report #109 Ended.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Starting from Scratch

Report #108 2014, June 24th.

Ever since I was arrested and Kelevra sold out all of my warehouses here and killed all of my dealers, I have nothing, no weapons, no tech, no Kevlar and my Van has probably been destroyed, time to start from scratch and that's exactly what I did last night.

Went for a walk and saw three drug dealers in the alley way, dealing their shit to some kid, as soon as the kid ran off I approached them. They saw me walking up, asked me what I wanted.

Punched one guy in the nose, he fell flat on his nose, bleeding from his ass. The other guy tried to approach me, but before he could move any further, chopped him right in the middle of his neck, he fell down gasping for air in result suffocating himself. Last guy tried to run, but I grabbed him by the back of his neck and rammed his face into the brick wall, he went down with blood coming out of his nose and eyes, dead.

Only one of them had a gun, six bullets, it was a start. The guy with the broken nose was still alive, shot him in the head, 5 bullets.

This morning I went to patrol Dimir's tower, binoculars (Which were lent to me from Sanna) helped analyze the situation from a neighboring 7 story building. Dimir never leaves his tower, the windows are bullet proof, wonder if they're rocket proof, a pity I lost my bazooka.

Last time it took 3 blocks of C4 in Red Square and a Van full of explosives for me to get him to step outside and now all I have is a gun with five bullets and a knife. He's beefed up security since the last time, I suppose business has been good, what with me locked up, Kelevra dead, Artsyom dead and Sanna staying low. Cops in his pocket, Proxies doing whatever he orders them to do, money flowing in by the truckload, whole city at his knees. Must be nice to be Dimir Volkov.

This city has forgotten people like me, it fears him more than people like me. For that to change he has to die, I have to kill him and drag his body into the streets and show the whole fucking city: Dimir's come and go, but not me.

Someone was coming in through the roof access door behind me, I hid behind the roof access, it was one of Dimir's security members, morning patrol, snuck up behind him, broke his neck, took his gun. Two guns and a knife, thirteen bullets.

Time to get back into action, time to start from scratch, start anew, my war has been waiting for me.

On a side note: Sanna I will be leaving soon, the heat I'm about to have on my ass is dangerous, however, while I'm here, if there's something troubling you, come and tell me, even though I'm busy, I'm sure I can find the time to deal with the problem that worries you.

Report #108 Ended.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Kelevra's Motives

As I said in my previous post, I would explain this.

When I was in prison, in the infirmary, laying there, not being able to move both Physically and Mentally, every scum sucking asshole in that prison knew who I was and when they found out that I was badly hurt, the excitement in the place grew, suddenly all of them grew some balls and wanted to be the one to put me away for good.

On the second night, I heard arguing near my room in the infirmary, arguing of two criminal groups, they obviously bribed the guards to let them in, they were a few steps away from me, behind the door. I knew that once they were gonna come into my proximity I was going to rise up from this bed and kill every single one of them and then another thought crawled into my mind...maybe I won't. So I remained on the bed, waiting for them to come in and kill me, I wanted to die.

Then you know that Sanna broke me out, but I remained still, I was seriously going to not move at all and just wait for my death, weather from hunger, or by someone else's hand. During one of the nights at Sanna's place I heard his voice, Kelevra's voice, that fuck wouldn't leave me alone even after death:

"So you're going to just sit there on you ass and wait to die? You do realize that wasn't the point of me trying to break you, right? Wake up! Wake the fuck up! Do you even now why I chose you as the guy to put me away!? Is it because you were cold blooded killer, a man of no remorse? Why in the fuck would I choose you because of such nonsense!? I chose you, because you are probably the most humanized human being I have ever met. I know why you killed your family a second time in the crossroads, you did it because you didn't want them dragged into this, you didn't want them to suffer, you didn't want them being disturbed from their rest, you found the strength in you to step over your personal agenda and preserve their peace. The reason why you help innocent people, rather than just kill those who deserve it is because there's a big in your brain constantly reminding you that you're not the only person in this world, you might see everything in black and white, but at least it's not all black. The reason why I wanted to break you, is because I wanted to break this illusion you created for yourself that you're a monster, you're a human being with suppressed memories, only those memories could bring you out and they did. I'm showing you, something Minxie showed me, we can change, we will change, we are human. So get off your ass, there's work to do, you have a plan, fulfill it!"

After that, his voice went silent and never re-appeared again. Maybe it's me going insane, or maybe it's part of his Azoth that's really talking to me, I don't know, I don't care. All I know is that I'm not giving up, it's like he said, I have a plan, I need to finish it.

So no more moping, I'm done, time to gear up.

First I'm gonna take care of Dimir, then our Tall friend.

Saturday, June 14, 2014


I am not known for my kindness, nor am I famous for showing any kind of emotion. Figured it was time to change that and the person who needed help the most, was right here with me, the same person who saved me and I needed her help.

I got off my ass and walked into her room, it appeared like she was flicking through some sort of journal.


She looked at me.

“"No problem. You did the same for me."

I was still tired; my body was refusing to stand, so I sat down on her bed.

"No, you broke me out of high security prison, which took guts, courage, and confidence. If there's one thing me and Kelevra can agree on, is that you grew up, became stronger."

My curiosity got the best of me.

"What's that you're flicking through?"

She wanted to shut the album, not wanting to share at first, but after a few minutes, she sat next to me and spread out the album, it was a family photo album…

"Just a few photos of my family."

One Photo was of a woman, her hair and eyes were the same color, dark brown. The second photo was of two kids, playing football, I could easily recognize Sanna, the other kid must have been her brother, on the account that both of them had similar looking bruises and remembering Sanna’s previous comment on my last post, it didn’t take a genius to piece everything together.

The Football photo, reminded me of her.

"Masha loved playing football..."

I looked at Sanna.

"Alex- Sanna, I saw your comment on my previous post, what you did, telling on your dad, don't blame yourself, it was the right thing to do. If you hadn't done it, he would have kept on doing it and it could have ended a lot more badly."

"When he came back, it got worse. My mama wouldn't say anything. I'd have said more, I know all of us would have. But we were scared. She was scared. Of losing us. Of betraying her religion - she was Orthodox, divorce was an absolute no-no in the church we attended."

Human beings like that disgust me, the ones that think of only themselves, and the ones that hurt those that are weaker. My childhood friend had a similar situation with his father when he was kid, after a few years he trained up and the next time his father wanted to raise his hand on him, or his mother, he put him in an arm lock and threatened him, the Father quickly sobered up and stopped doing it.

"I'm sorry."

I couldn’t say anything else to comfort her, there’s really nothing else to say on the matter, I wrapped my arm around her, trying my best to comfort her and then I remembered my father’s words.

"'Remember the good times, work around the tough shit.' That's what my dad always told me."

"Wise dad."

She seemed to accept my attempt at comforting her and leaned in.

"And it's OK. I'm sure if you'd been able to pick my life, you'd have chosen something else.”

She paused.

"Remember the good times…”

She sighed.

"Well - I did love football. You don't have to worry about anything when you're playing football. 'Cause you're just thinking short term. It's kind of like shooting or fighting a man, actually - so immersive you can just forget all the long term shit that's going to bite you in the ass. We stayed out late because the thought of going home was sometimes too much. And the later we stayed out, the angrier he got. It was kind of accumulative."

"I and Vikady used to play football, I was always the goalie, he was the defense line. When we would gather with other bunch of our friends, we would play football for hours. However, usually, those friends wouldn't last because Vikady liked to pick fights, he would steer up shit in a matter of seconds in a game."

I needed to ask her, needed to know.

"How did it feel, when you killed him? Artsyom."

"I was just glad he couldn't hurt anyone anymore. I don't care about him that much. He might have been my father, biologically, but where the fuck was he for the past seventeen years when I needed someone the most?"

I could hear in her voice that she was about to cry, but she maintained her cool.

"Not that he would know what pain is like. He's not the one who has to live with what he's done. The families of the people he killed are."

The answer relieved me.

 "Good, that's good, as long as you don't feel satisfaction; you're good, means you're in control."

I couldn’t help but laugh at the next sentence I was about to say.

"Kelevra says 'Hi' he talked to me today, I know it sounds like I'm insane, but it must have been through the Azoth that's inside of me, it was a part of him after all, believe it or not, it's thanks to him that I'm talking to you right now."

"Tell him I said 'rest in chaos'."

I can’t talk to him, he talked to me. She looked at me.

"Why'd he want you to talk to me? I don't have much useful shit to say."

More laughter from me, couldn’t believe I was laughing, I rarely smile.

"Not what I meant, what I meant was, he explained some things to me, showed me I'm a human, something you taught him, that was his whole purpose to break me, to prove that point, so I can survive longer." (More on this in the next post)

I felt like I needed to explain my opinion on Kelevra.

"Now that doesn't mean, I forgave him for everything he has done, nor did it make me regret that I killed him, but I can't deny, that he showed me the truth. The truth you showed him."

He deserved to die; I killed him, that’s the bottom line.

"This shit sounds so ridiculous."

She smiled for a short period of time.

"In what kind of world is 'you're human' so ridiculous?"

It was quiet for a few minutes, and then she said.

"I'm sorry about your family. And I'm sorry you were on worse terms when they died. That's not ideal. But... it's not your fault."

That cracked me up, telling me not to blame myself, coming from her.

"You know full well that I'm still going to blame myself, it's part of our human nature, but at least I know that there are people out there, who will always go out of their way to convince me otherwise.”

I meant it, for the first time I see that there are people who are willing to help me, that I’m not alone.

"I have something for you, if presents make you feel any better."

Can’t say they do, but I remained silent. She leaned forward and got her bag, out of it she gave me a combat knife. At first I was confused, I mean I have at least 3 combat knives and they were better crafted than this one.

"The metal is from a bullet that the motherfucking Archangel fired at me. In the hopes it will work against azoth... happy Father's Day, sir."

This could be useful; I took it and examined it.

"Well it's a good combat knife, nicely forged, as for the Azoth part..."

There was only one way to check that theory. I stabbed myself in the leg, it felt horrible, I used to get stabbed in all sorts of places and it never hurt as much as it hurt this time. Pain can barely faze me, I’ve been through so many injuries, you just get used to the pain, but this time, it felt like my whole leg got ripped off in one second. It definitely worked; I could feel the Azoth inside of me shriveling like it never did before.

While I was on the ground holding my leg, bleeding black blood everywhere, Sanna came rushing out of another room with a towel in her hand, she pressed it against the wound.

"Well, don't hold back; do you think it worked?"

She paused.


I took the towel and continued holding it against the wound on my own.

"Sure as fuck did, I could feel it shrivel inside me like no other, it felt it, this is good, just what I need, especially with the new info I have on our Tall Friend."

I looked at her and smiled, because now, we had a chance to hurt IT.


I struggled to stand up, but slowly I did.

"Do you have a bathroom somewhere around here?"

"Yeah, it's called the back alley."


I looked at her, thanks to her; I’m back in the game, no more of that grieving bullshit.

"Get some rest, we need as much of it, as we can get and... Thanks, for everything."

Then I continued into the back alley, the mend my wound.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014


Those were my last words to her "I want a divorce".

Our life may have seemed like a happy looking life, a beautiful wife, sustainable job, smart little kid, the American God Damn dream. Only for me, it wasn't, before getting married I got sent to the most of dangerous places, I kidnapped people, tortured them, killed them, part of my job. Every single other Agent would have loved to get out of that sort of heat, not me, it felt like home to me.

But it happened, I got married, once my higher ups knew about that, they started giving me baby assignments just because I had family. Every single morning of my new life, I tried to pretend like I was happy with them, I tried to convince myself that "I just need time to settle in" that never happened. People say that after the things I have done, a normal person would have nightmares about those times, I didn't and because of that I couldn't sleep.

Soon Kristine started to catch on, she tried to make me talk to her, but I was always distant, off in my little world. I was ready to get out, was ready to tell her for us to take a divorce, ready to explain everything, but before I could do that, she suggested we go to the Church, if only I had stopped her, if only I had told her before going, they would still be alive, but no, I had to stretch it out a bit longer, hoping that the feeling of being a family man would sink in, it never did and in the middle of our walk, once Masha was far away, I told her that I wanted a divorce, she looked at me shocked and simply walked away from me further in silence, I could see the sadness in her eyes, after that we didn't talk and never would, because shortly after that...well you know the story.

Somehow, I don't know how, Kelevra was able to find out about it...

He broke me, I've never felt so vulnerable, doesn't feel good, I want to die, but it's just like he said, I can't, something's keeping me away from that privilege, why can't I just take the knife and slit my throat? What is keeping me here? I want to die, why can't I do it myself? Why do I have to risk my life every time and try to get myself killed by someone else's hands? What is wrong with me?

I'm not a monster, something else...

Saturday, June 7, 2014

Last Words

He said he wanted to go to Red Square, that's where I went.

Once I got there, I was looking around everywhere to at least give me a clue where he was, he had a plan, that's why there was no shots being fired, everybody was walking like nothing was happening. Then I hear a police officer yelling at me to freeze, I thought I distracted all the police forces with the fake bomb in my Van, but no.

I cooperate, sit down on my knees while holding my hands up, putting down both of my bags full of weaponry and as I approached the ground, I got it, I knew where Kelevra was. The cop approached me, baby cops, tripped his leg, knocked him out with the elbow, got his gun and shot at the second cops leg. Grabbed all of my bags and went into the sewers, after a few minutes of wandering around, I saw him planting 3 C4's onto the gas line.

I shot him in the back with Gatling gun, the plan was to drive him away from the gas line and hit him with the R.P.G. Not sure if it would work, but I had to try.

His stupid costume took most of the impact, but a few bullets got through, he lost his balance, fell down.

"Anton, good to see you man."

Those were 20mm round, a hundred per second and he was still talking and slowly getting up. To top it all off, he pulled the screens off the timers, no way of telling how much time left, while I was attending to the bombs, he was getting up, had to multi-task. Toy with the bomb, shoot him, toy with the bomb, shoot him and so on...

At least that was the plan, until he sank under water, couldn't keep my eye on him. So we know how this goes, at some point he jumps up and starts kicking my ass. The thought of me not succeeding started creeping in, had to block them out and concentrate, success, two blocks defused, one to go, so of course, this is where he comes up.

One charge left, one charge is enough to collapse the whole Square, the other charges were to bring down the city. His suit morphs around his arm and slams me into the concrete wall pretty hard, I lose my Gatling gun, my cheekbone cracks and splinters of my skull go into my brain and I can tell he's holding back.

"Anton, I know why you're here, you're not here to stop me, I know what you want, but Anton, I can't help y-"

He's talk tires me, I shoot him in the neck with 9mm, didn't hit my target, but it was enough to make him drop me. As soon as I touched the ground, I ran, ran towards the nearest Exit, he followed me, away from the gas line, that was the plan.

I shoot the lights out on the ceiling, it's dark, I move quietly through the water, while he was splashing like a kid in the bath tub. Judging by the sound, I aimed my R.P.G.and fired, that bastard, moved at the last second, I hit the wall.

"Anton, I gotta say, you're starting to really piss me off."

I hear him running through the water like a damn battle ship, I fire my 9mm, hoping it will buy me 10 seconds. He cracked me good, head was still spinning, sounds are too loud, then I touch a ladder, I climb it, he's hot on my tail.

"You're not retreating Anton, you're just advancing in a different direction!"

As I climbed, something yanked my R.P.G. off my back, pity I reloaded it, that wasn't part of the plan. I jumped from the Man hole and ran as fast as I can, I could hear the explosion happen behind me, that was my R.P.G. being used to make the man hole bigger.

"Good idea Anton I was getting a little sick of the sick."

As Iran, looking back at him, following me, I turn my head for a second and stop dead in my tracks. That Church, the God Damn Church, I turn around and he's standing right there, ten bullet holes in his chest, bleeding that black ooze.

"This is it. It all comes down to right now. This is where it happened for you...and for me. Interesting isn't it, my parents owned this church, this is where I killed them, several years later, your family died in the same place, funny coincidence, isn't it?"

"This is where we both died."

After that he was coming at me. And it was going to hurt, but he's coming at me and that's what I need to have happen. The suit morphed around both of his arms into sharp ends, trying to spear me, but his back of the jacket disappeared because it turned into the sharp ends. I put one block of C4 onto his back from my bag, I could only hope he wasn't going to notice.

He turns around and slashes my face, my left eye goes blind, I tasted blood and I wonder where the ground went. One.

"This is the place where you "Died" HA! You wish!"

Got to my feet quickly, went for a tackle, wrapped my arms around him, but he doesn't even budge, doesn't matter. Two.

His Jacket wraps around my sides, lifts me in the air and starts crushing me, one of my ribs saps, I can't feel my hands.

"Really, it's what you want, it's why you're here today, it's why you're here everyday, you got a war and that's your objective, buddy."

He drops me to the ground, I struggle to get to my feet, since I can't feel them, stupid old body.

"But here's the thing Antosha..."

Something big hits me in the head, something powerful, sent me flying through the window of the Church and now I'm inside this hellish place, Kelevra climbs through the same window.

"I can't kill you, no one can. I was born evil, maybe in the beginning I was Oleg, but somewhere along the way Oleg died and I was born, the moment I killed my family, to be precise. Now you..."

Once he walked over to me, he morphed sharp ends on both of his hands, swung up into the air, about to pierce me, survival instinct kicked in, I slid under his legs and jumped onto his back, trying to get to his neck, but the back of his suit morphed into sharp ends, piercing my stomach and chest in several places.

"That's a whole different snafu. Anton Kisin is Mr. Incognito, he didn't die here with his family, he just got his priorities switched up, that's all. No more little league, you know?"

He smacks me off of him, black ooze once again wraps around me sides and sends me crashing into the ceiling, I'm on the second floor, can't move, he rises through the hole I just made with my head on those four tentacles things, he's like a spider.

"You see Anton, you survived any mission you were given, you came back and you came back from here, from what happened in this church."

He descended, picked me up by my collar, punched me once.

"And you just keep..."

Punched me twice.


Punched me third time.


Slammed me against the wall.

"Anton Kisin is alive. You grew up and had parents, and first dates, and movies, and perfect nights, and football, and screw-ups, and laughs, and love..."

He prepares to swing for another punch "Not hate, love."

That's when I see them, both of them, standing behind him, worried faces. It's the concussion, I know that.

"You feel every kill, you feel it and it shreds you. That's why you want to die!"

He throws me towards the broken up balcony of the church.

"Your old weapons. Your bacon and eggs. Your cot. Your bandages and your boot instead of quick-clot and a door ram. You know you're not playing to win, you're making a good show."

I struggle to my feet, for the n'th time.

"What's your prep? What's your strategy? You fly by the seat of your pants, the skin of your teeth, you've been in it, that's not how you roll. Prep, intel, execution, P.I.E., or you die. But not you, huh?"

 Starts slowly walking towards him, struggling to move, since my feet are numb.

"There you go! Look at this guy! Getting up after that apocalyptic beat down! Right there! That's the cosmic joke! Even with his epic half-assery, Anton Kisin Lives!"

He laughs.

"You want to be the monster, but you're a human being! You want to kill, but every time you do, you want to die so much more! So you get shot, you get blown up, you get thrown out of buildings, and you always drag yourself away, because you're just like me Anton, you can't die."

I see them again, last three seconds, feel like three hours. Kristine, Masha. This is where it happened, right here. I loved them, I still love them, I'm still there, I'm here, it's not over, it's never over. This is my life, this is my entire life and it just keeps going.

I still feel things, even if it's just disgust and rage, at a child dying, at a woman abused, at evil unpunished. I'm not a monster, Kelevra is. I'm something else.

I aim my last colt at him.

"That's a hand gun Anton, not gonna do the job."

"I put starburst ammo in this colt. Incendiary rounds."

"You think that's gonna kill me?"

"No, the 2 bricks of C4 on your back, will."

Probably shouldn't have given him the heads up, once I shot him, jumped towards the edge of the balcony, as far as possible from the explosion. Once the smoke settled, he was still standing, bleeding, but standing, his suit was reduced to shreds, it was apparent that his suit absorbed most of the blast, since he couldn't use it anymore, the playing field was leveled.

"What's the matter Anton? Don't you wanna finish our chat?"

He rushed at me, swinging, I ducked, tripped his leg, grabbed his head and slammed his face into the ground.

"You're a hard man to figure out, Anton..."

Slammed him again to shut him up.

"It wasn't easy, nearly drove me mad, I'll admit..."

Shut up.

"But then it all clicked into place for me, just like magic..."

Shut up!

"Once I figured out what really happened, that day, in this church."


As I lift his head up, to slam it again, he heads butts me with the back of his head into my chin, making me fall back. He comes running at me, at this point he's like a slug, he swings once again, I duck under his fist and stab him with the knife into his neck. He grabs the knife, his eye is wide, he stumbles back, falls against the balcony. I think he's dead, walk towards him, he's still talking, how?

"I know why you didn't see it coming, I know why your family died..."

I start pushing the knife further in order to shut him up.

"You were walking with your wife towards the church, Masha way ahead of you. You leaned over to her and said something to her, your last words she heard out of your mouth..."

I slam his head against the edge of the balcony.

"I know what you said to her, Anton."

Then he said it, those words, those words I blocked out for so many years, the words I forgot, those words that led me to get my guard down, those words that was the reason we went to the church that day.

"Didn't you? Didn't you, Anton, old buddy?"

Anger took over, not anger for him, but anger of denial, I got up, lifted my boot and stomped on the knife so hard his head ripped off, fell off the balcony, as it fell, I still could hear the laughter, the laughter that still haunts me.

After that Dimir's men came busting in, knock me down to the ground, I don't struggle, not because I can't, I don't want to. And I see her once again, the pale woman, standing over Kelevra's body and then I lose consciousness.

When I come to, I'm in the hospital bed, in prison, Dimir informs me that the last bomb was defused and Kelevra was dead, then he tells me that I will die here and I just lay there, waiting for prisoners to come and kill me, I wait for it and I think...

I'm still thinking....