Report #93 2013, September 2nd.
We finally arrived to one of our sources, they are patching up our Van and supplying me and Vikady with some weaponry.
Now what had happened, I lost control, Kelevra injected me with Azoth, at first I didn't know what was going on with me, me not getting tired. Didn't take long for me to realize that it was something that Kelevra had done when he injected me with that water.
Few weeks later, it starts to hurt, I may not have showed it, but I was hurting on the inside, like something was ripping me apart from the inside, slowly. For the time being, I was subduing it, but that night, it was able to break free and make me attack those who worked with me.
I told Mendella, to kill me if something like this were to happen, to not hesitate, I knew I could trust him with that task, because he was just like me, at least, that's what I thought. When I was standing there, with a blank expression, in a trance, Mendella had a chance to take me out, yet he hesitated, he didn't do it and that's where we're different, I wouldn't have hesitated, I would have taken the shot.
And that is exactly what I told him, I told him that I was wrong about him, that we were not the same, that we are nothing alike. He simply nodded in agreement and left, I don't know where he is, what he is doing, I have no connection with him and right now, I am deleting all our old connections and replacing them with new ones. Now, Mendella is out of this operation, he is on his own and I have no idea if we will ever meet again, but I highly doubt it.
Now it's just me and Vikady and quite frankly, I wish it was only me, but I need Vikady, he says he stumbled upon some information, but he needs to confirm all the facts about it and only then will he tell me what it's about.
Now, I'm just like those other freaks, at least I was, until Vikady murmured that one Name, something snapped in me, I woke up and I saw what kind of a mess my mind was with that thing slowly taking it over. That Azoth, it craved destruction, I could feel it, and that makes sense, since it's a piece of Kelevra's Azoth. It tried to take over my mind and use my body as a mindless puppet, well too bad, I'm stubborn.
When I was in that trance, it was like I was dreaming, only I wasn't. It was like I was in the army again and something was stalking me. It wanted me for it's own, wanted me to be it's body, it's hands, it's weapon of destruction. And then Vikady said it, something that made me remember who I was and I was in control now. And I knew exactly on how to stop that thing, it was very simple, either it obeys my every order, or I kill it, by killing myself. I could feel it, reading my mind, trying to tell if I was lying, or not. If I killed myself, that thing would have died along with me, because it was still too weak to survive on it's own, I could feel it.
And it could feel that I was being serious, why wouldn't I be? I have nothing to lose, living in this world, is exactly the same like hell, which is where I'm going after I die, so there really is no difference for me to either live, or die. It felt that, it knew I was serious and it obeyed, now I have control over it and sure as hell I will use it.
Just like those other freaks? No, I was already a monster, nothing's changed, I'm still the same as I was, the only difference? Is that I have something that will help me kill more.