Saturday, June 14, 2014


I am not known for my kindness, nor am I famous for showing any kind of emotion. Figured it was time to change that and the person who needed help the most, was right here with me, the same person who saved me and I needed her help.

I got off my ass and walked into her room, it appeared like she was flicking through some sort of journal.


She looked at me.

“"No problem. You did the same for me."

I was still tired; my body was refusing to stand, so I sat down on her bed.

"No, you broke me out of high security prison, which took guts, courage, and confidence. If there's one thing me and Kelevra can agree on, is that you grew up, became stronger."

My curiosity got the best of me.

"What's that you're flicking through?"

She wanted to shut the album, not wanting to share at first, but after a few minutes, she sat next to me and spread out the album, it was a family photo album…

"Just a few photos of my family."

One Photo was of a woman, her hair and eyes were the same color, dark brown. The second photo was of two kids, playing football, I could easily recognize Sanna, the other kid must have been her brother, on the account that both of them had similar looking bruises and remembering Sanna’s previous comment on my last post, it didn’t take a genius to piece everything together.

The Football photo, reminded me of her.

"Masha loved playing football..."

I looked at Sanna.

"Alex- Sanna, I saw your comment on my previous post, what you did, telling on your dad, don't blame yourself, it was the right thing to do. If you hadn't done it, he would have kept on doing it and it could have ended a lot more badly."

"When he came back, it got worse. My mama wouldn't say anything. I'd have said more, I know all of us would have. But we were scared. She was scared. Of losing us. Of betraying her religion - she was Orthodox, divorce was an absolute no-no in the church we attended."

Human beings like that disgust me, the ones that think of only themselves, and the ones that hurt those that are weaker. My childhood friend had a similar situation with his father when he was kid, after a few years he trained up and the next time his father wanted to raise his hand on him, or his mother, he put him in an arm lock and threatened him, the Father quickly sobered up and stopped doing it.

"I'm sorry."

I couldn’t say anything else to comfort her, there’s really nothing else to say on the matter, I wrapped my arm around her, trying my best to comfort her and then I remembered my father’s words.

"'Remember the good times, work around the tough shit.' That's what my dad always told me."

"Wise dad."

She seemed to accept my attempt at comforting her and leaned in.

"And it's OK. I'm sure if you'd been able to pick my life, you'd have chosen something else.”

She paused.

"Remember the good times…”

She sighed.

"Well - I did love football. You don't have to worry about anything when you're playing football. 'Cause you're just thinking short term. It's kind of like shooting or fighting a man, actually - so immersive you can just forget all the long term shit that's going to bite you in the ass. We stayed out late because the thought of going home was sometimes too much. And the later we stayed out, the angrier he got. It was kind of accumulative."

"I and Vikady used to play football, I was always the goalie, he was the defense line. When we would gather with other bunch of our friends, we would play football for hours. However, usually, those friends wouldn't last because Vikady liked to pick fights, he would steer up shit in a matter of seconds in a game."

I needed to ask her, needed to know.

"How did it feel, when you killed him? Artsyom."

"I was just glad he couldn't hurt anyone anymore. I don't care about him that much. He might have been my father, biologically, but where the fuck was he for the past seventeen years when I needed someone the most?"

I could hear in her voice that she was about to cry, but she maintained her cool.

"Not that he would know what pain is like. He's not the one who has to live with what he's done. The families of the people he killed are."

The answer relieved me.

 "Good, that's good, as long as you don't feel satisfaction; you're good, means you're in control."

I couldn’t help but laugh at the next sentence I was about to say.

"Kelevra says 'Hi' he talked to me today, I know it sounds like I'm insane, but it must have been through the Azoth that's inside of me, it was a part of him after all, believe it or not, it's thanks to him that I'm talking to you right now."

"Tell him I said 'rest in chaos'."

I can’t talk to him, he talked to me. She looked at me.

"Why'd he want you to talk to me? I don't have much useful shit to say."

More laughter from me, couldn’t believe I was laughing, I rarely smile.

"Not what I meant, what I meant was, he explained some things to me, showed me I'm a human, something you taught him, that was his whole purpose to break me, to prove that point, so I can survive longer." (More on this in the next post)

I felt like I needed to explain my opinion on Kelevra.

"Now that doesn't mean, I forgave him for everything he has done, nor did it make me regret that I killed him, but I can't deny, that he showed me the truth. The truth you showed him."

He deserved to die; I killed him, that’s the bottom line.

"This shit sounds so ridiculous."

She smiled for a short period of time.

"In what kind of world is 'you're human' so ridiculous?"

It was quiet for a few minutes, and then she said.

"I'm sorry about your family. And I'm sorry you were on worse terms when they died. That's not ideal. But... it's not your fault."

That cracked me up, telling me not to blame myself, coming from her.

"You know full well that I'm still going to blame myself, it's part of our human nature, but at least I know that there are people out there, who will always go out of their way to convince me otherwise.”

I meant it, for the first time I see that there are people who are willing to help me, that I’m not alone.

"I have something for you, if presents make you feel any better."

Can’t say they do, but I remained silent. She leaned forward and got her bag, out of it she gave me a combat knife. At first I was confused, I mean I have at least 3 combat knives and they were better crafted than this one.

"The metal is from a bullet that the motherfucking Archangel fired at me. In the hopes it will work against azoth... happy Father's Day, sir."

This could be useful; I took it and examined it.

"Well it's a good combat knife, nicely forged, as for the Azoth part..."

There was only one way to check that theory. I stabbed myself in the leg, it felt horrible, I used to get stabbed in all sorts of places and it never hurt as much as it hurt this time. Pain can barely faze me, I’ve been through so many injuries, you just get used to the pain, but this time, it felt like my whole leg got ripped off in one second. It definitely worked; I could feel the Azoth inside of me shriveling like it never did before.

While I was on the ground holding my leg, bleeding black blood everywhere, Sanna came rushing out of another room with a towel in her hand, she pressed it against the wound.

"Well, don't hold back; do you think it worked?"

She paused.


I took the towel and continued holding it against the wound on my own.

"Sure as fuck did, I could feel it shrivel inside me like no other, it felt it, this is good, just what I need, especially with the new info I have on our Tall Friend."

I looked at her and smiled, because now, we had a chance to hurt IT.


I struggled to stand up, but slowly I did.

"Do you have a bathroom somewhere around here?"

"Yeah, it's called the back alley."


I looked at her, thanks to her; I’m back in the game, no more of that grieving bullshit.

"Get some rest, we need as much of it, as we can get and... Thanks, for everything."

Then I continued into the back alley, the mend my wound.


  1. Nice to see you're doing better, Incognito. Seeing as Shadow's offered before, I'm sure he'd be happy to let you guys patch up here in the states.


    1. Thank you, Sanna might take this into consideration, I can not, I need to heal up here, since I have unfinished business here.

    2. I have things to do here in Moscow. I also want to irritate the shit out of Dimir. And help the sir.