As I said in my previous post, I would explain this.
When I was in prison, in the infirmary, laying there, not being able to move both Physically and Mentally, every scum sucking asshole in that prison knew who I was and when they found out that I was badly hurt, the excitement in the place grew, suddenly all of them grew some balls and wanted to be the one to put me away for good.
On the second night, I heard arguing near my room in the infirmary, arguing of two criminal groups, they obviously bribed the guards to let them in, they were a few steps away from me, behind the door. I knew that once they were gonna come into my proximity I was going to rise up from this bed and kill every single one of them and then another thought crawled into my mind...maybe I won't. So I remained on the bed, waiting for them to come in and kill me, I wanted to die.
Then you know that Sanna broke me out, but I remained still, I was seriously going to not move at all and just wait for my death, weather from hunger, or by someone else's hand. During one of the nights at Sanna's place I heard his voice, Kelevra's voice, that fuck wouldn't leave me alone even after death:
"So you're going to just sit there on you ass and wait to die? You do realize that wasn't the point of me trying to break you, right? Wake up! Wake the fuck up! Do you even now why I chose you as the guy to put me away!? Is it because you were cold blooded killer, a man of no remorse? Why in the fuck would I choose you because of such nonsense!? I chose you, because you are probably the most humanized human being I have ever met. I know why you killed your family a second time in the crossroads, you did it because you didn't want them dragged into this, you didn't want them to suffer, you didn't want them being disturbed from their rest, you found the strength in you to step over your personal agenda and preserve their peace. The reason why you help innocent people, rather than just kill those who deserve it is because there's a big in your brain constantly reminding you that you're not the only person in this world, you might see everything in black and white, but at least it's not all black. The reason why I wanted to break you, is because I wanted to break this illusion you created for yourself that you're a monster, you're a human being with suppressed memories, only those memories could bring you out and they did. I'm showing you, something Minxie showed me, we can change, we will change, we are human. So get off your ass, there's work to do, you have a plan, fulfill it!"
After that, his voice went silent and never re-appeared again. Maybe it's me going insane, or maybe it's part of his Azoth that's really talking to me, I don't know, I don't care. All I know is that I'm not giving up, it's like he said, I have a plan, I need to finish it.
So no more moping, I'm done, time to gear up.
First I'm gonna take care of Dimir, then our Tall friend.