Those were my last words to her "I want a divorce".
Our life may have seemed like a happy looking life, a beautiful wife, sustainable job, smart little kid, the American God Damn dream. Only for me, it wasn't, before getting married I got sent to the most of dangerous places, I kidnapped people, tortured them, killed them, part of my job. Every single other Agent would have loved to get out of that sort of heat, not me, it felt like home to me.
But it happened, I got married, once my higher ups knew about that, they started giving me baby assignments just because I had family. Every single morning of my new life, I tried to pretend like I was happy with them, I tried to convince myself that "I just need time to settle in" that never happened. People say that after the things I have done, a normal person would have nightmares about those times, I didn't and because of that I couldn't sleep.
Soon Kristine started to catch on, she tried to make me talk to her, but I was always distant, off in my little world. I was ready to get out, was ready to tell her for us to take a divorce, ready to explain everything, but before I could do that, she suggested we go to the Church, if only I had stopped her, if only I had told her before going, they would still be alive, but no, I had to stretch it out a bit longer, hoping that the feeling of being a family man would sink in, it never did and in the middle of our walk, once Masha was far away, I told her that I wanted a divorce, she looked at me shocked and simply walked away from me further in silence, I could see the sadness in her eyes, after that we didn't talk and never would, because shortly after that...well you know the story.
Somehow, I don't know how, Kelevra was able to find out about it...
He broke me, I've never felt so vulnerable, doesn't feel good, I want to die, but it's just like he said, I can't, something's keeping me away from that privilege, why can't I just take the knife and slit my throat? What is keeping me here? I want to die, why can't I do it myself? Why do I have to risk my life every time and try to get myself killed by someone else's hands? What is wrong with me?
I'm not a monster, something else...