Report #91 2013, July 30th.
When I went to the left, I walked for precisely the same amount, I had walked on the previous road, I didn't feel hungry anymore, nor thirsty, I didn't feel the sun burning my skin, I didn't feel tired, I simply knew I had to walk and I kept walking, while watching other memories play out in front of me as I walked.
Memories of when my parents had adopted Vikady "My older brother" that's what I said when I saw the visions, I haven't said that in years.
The memories of how he, I and our father played soccer in the back yard.
The memories of how he and I helped our mother cook delicious pancakes.
Memories of our school days, we always stood up for each other. The memory of when I was attacked by bully and his group, just because I was a new kid in class, they were trying to explain to me who was in charge. I fought back, but it wasn't enough, they piled up against me, 4 on one.
That's when Vikady came running in, throwing them around, I quickly got back on my feet and both of us were fighting off these assholes, thats when I saw a side of Vikady I had never seen before, whenever he got punched he smiled with that wild smile as if he was enjoying it. Suffice to say we beat them up pretty badly. Both of us ended up in a principles office, they called our parents in, though the principle didn't believe us, our parents did, so they didn't punish us.
As we got older and went to high school, Vikady got into trouble a lot more, he started picking fights with jocks, gangs and so on...
There was clearly something wrong with him, I had to clear up what was wrong with him, the vision of the moment when I walked up to him and asked him, what was wrong. The moment when I had learned about his past, I felt remorse, something I don't feel today and probably never will. I wanted to help him, but I didn't how, so I didn't, but I could. Maybe the death of those innocent people at the hands of Vikady could have been avoided, if I somehow helped him.
That's what I found asking myself when I was seeing that vision, but a new vision came into play, the moment when I saw him in the court, when he was telling the judge that he did it on purpose, that he killed all those innocent people on purpose, in order to make it more dangerous for himself.
And the previous question that I had found myself asking, just disappeared, I wasn't that kid anymore, I wasn't who I used to be, the person I am today does not forgive those who endanger the innocent, not anymore, not ever.
And as soon as I felt that feeling of anger, those visions just disappeared, and I found myself standing in the middle of the crossroads again. All of the signs still pointing in one direction, the "Right" direction, I refused once again and went in the last direction, a direction in my life that tried to bury years ago, but every time I picked up a shovel, I broke down and failed...
Feeling really awful, I'll finish this when I'm better.